Five years ago I decided to stop looking at pornography. I think the why is not at all important for anyone. It could be an experiment. It could be to save your marriage. It could be that you object to the immorality of it. Whatever the reason, I think it’s a good idea to at least try stopping and see what you discover. I thought I would share today what I found for myself when I stopped using porn.
1. I had to deal with my feelings.
I was shocked to discover the amount of feelings which I was avoiding or escaping through pornography. Upon looking back now, it seems like every time I was upset about something (or just didn’t want to deal with it) I would spend a little alone time and wash those feelings away. In reality, I was just seeking comfort whenever something became difficult. Learning how to handle difficult emotions and thoughts has helped me understand others better. Additionally, it makes it easier the next time those same feelings creep up. Experiencing and feeling feelings only adds to the richness of one’s life. Sure, some days may be more challenging, but in the end those days are much more rewarding too.
2. My relationships with women improved.
I think men have been conditioned to view women as sex object throughout history. This may have been beneficial to the species when we were still struggling to create fire, but not in this day and age. Pornography only helps to further that conditioning. I know it might sound simple or you might think that it won’t affect your brain, but you might be surprised how much our views have been skewed.
3. My relationships with men improved.
This one was even more surprising. When I became more of a stand up guy other men respected me more. I think as guys we feel this need to be macho in front of each other, which unfortunately includes degrading women. In fact we’re diminishing ourselves. Think about how many times you’ve felt uncomfortable around other men while they were objectifying a woman. I swear if you speak up, you will feel better about yourself, and they will come to respect you more too. If you’d like to read a little more about masculinity check out Lewis Howes’ latest book.
4. I found more free time
I would get lost in porn, clicking link after link in search of some perfect image that didn’t exist. I would spend way more time than I realized wasting energy and brain power that could have been used on much more productive pursuits. I also would stay up later than I should losing sleep which affected me the following day. I was so tired sometimes, I wasn’t even present for the things that really mattered, like family events or work.
5. Sex improved.
I know this is the difficult part to discuss, but, honestly, sex improved for me. I stopped having unreal expectations in the bedroom. I respected my partner more, and that made it a much more intimate experience. When I think of this, I’m always reminded of that Friends episode “The One without Porn”. Definitely check out a few clips here!
Conclusion
To be quite honest, after the initial 90 days or so, it hasn’t really been that hard to stay away. Sure there are times I still feel like looking at porn, but it comes and goes as quickly as any other afterthought. Am I perfect with this stuff? Absolutely not. I still fantasize about and objectify women, even though I try not too as much as possible. But I haven’t looked at porn in over five years, and I definitely recommend you try it. Set a goal of 30, 60, or 90 days. It doesn’t have to be permanent, and just see what happens.
If you need a little help, check out Net Nanny or Covenant Eyes.
